In All My Dreams I Drown

[James William Potter]

"I imagined the quote was from a Muggle author... I agree he is talented... to say so much with so few words is a true gift... Could you indicate me some of his work and well... find a way to get it to me? I don't believe I'll find his writings at the Library... Which is your favorite one?" James said in a thoughtful tone of voice, which later turned into a curious one as he asked for one of Shakespeare's writings to read. Anything Lily enjoyed was something that James wanted to get acquainted with if he could.

James breathed relieved when Lily confirmed to him that she also didn't think he was mean for mean's sake. "So I'm people clueless, but not mean? I guess that is better than being considered mean. No. It is definitely better... " He joked slightly. He had to give her that. She was right. Most of the time he just wanted to have a good time and simply thought everyone else was having one as well. Very rarely he was able to notice when someone disliked one of his pranks and refrained to seek them out again. Clueless was actually a good description for James when it came to people in general. He was though much better and sharper in understanding those closer to him.

"Doesn't change the fact I may have to reevaluate some things I held as truth and unable to change, especially if he is indeed family. That is going to change a lot... mostly for the better, yes, but change is inevitable anyway... That was more what I meant before, Evans." James said taking a deep breath. "Well... everyone says or thinks they lie for a good reason. It is the definition of good reason that changes from person to person..." He added as an afterthought.

"I wouldn't say she is ambitious, but I'm the people clueless guy..." He said smiling. "I think she was more of a rebel and disrespectful of the rules a few years back and that is also something the snakes are known for..." James shared his thoughts with Lily about Andromeda. Oh... Horror!... I could be in Slytherin... He added humorously. "Actually I could be in any house really, but the Sorting Hat... better not to talk about it..." He added already regretting to have said anything.

When Lily went on a tangent about his person and his behavior using words such as loud and obnoxious, James brought a hand to his right cheek and then tilted his head in a gesture that was meant as a slap to the face. "OK. I get the message there..." He said smiling and in a joyful tone, not at all upset by her comment. He knew he had that fame and that he had built it on purpose because he wanted the attention it gave him. Now such attention didn't seem as vital to his survival as it used to be when he was younger. He gives much more importance to truer bonds nowadays, but that fame was always something that would hang over his head until after graduation or for all the rest of time. No problem though. He had had a great deal of fun out of it and the good memories far outweighed any bad ones.

"Hearing you say that, Evans, I might risk saying that you care about what happens to me in this war..." James said jovially and smiling, but also in preparation for the more serious part of his reply. "Nothing I can do will matter, so I'll do nothing and let people die without a proper reason in the hope I won't be seen because I'm not causing trouble... Actually that is the kind of thinking that gives You-Know-Who the upper hand in this war so far." He was a bit blunt in showing his point of view on the matter.

"So, sure, one person can change the tide of this war if such person manages to inspire all those who are now idly sitting over the fence to jump down and fight for the right side, for the sacred right everyone has to decide their own lives and then live as they please beside whom they please within reason." He added with conviction. He hoped that would happen someday. James though did not see himself as the guy who would make it happen, but maybe he could inspire such person and his purpose to be alive would then be fulfilled in his point of view.

Her next words on why she'd be fighting the war caused a deep pain in James' heart. God would be kind enough to allow him to die first, wouldn't he? He could only hope so. "Then you're fighting for the wrong reason and certainly won't last long, Evans, which will cause me greater pain than you can fathom... It is conviction that drives the will to keep fighting and keep coming back home, not the inevitability of the whole situation... If you wanna live you should fight with your heart for what you truly believe in. I know I will and that is why I will cause as much damage as humanly possible to the ranks of the Death Eaters before one of them finally gets me for it." He shared his point of view in a gloomy tone of voice.

The gloomy thoughts and images placed in James' mind by the war subject suddenly changed to more cheery ones with Lily's mention of the words married and kid. That was a much nicer mental image by far. "I don't see anything wrong with that picture... Just kidding, Evans." He said to break the tension. "I'm glad though that you've found a way to tolerate me." He said truthfully.

James nodded when she began talking about modesty and that he liked to show off his skills to everybody. Lily was not wrong and that was the reason he was nodding his agreement. "And you should learn to be in the spotlight and not feel ashamed every time someone puts you there. It is a nice place to be, you know, especially when you are deserving of it..." He tried to use wits to change the situation to his favor. The truth was that both of them could learn something from each other.

Weirdly enough her words sent James' mind to an old tale of Beedle the Bard. The one about the three brothers and the Deathly Hallows. The only brother who survived to live a long life was the one who was the humblest and did not seek to gain power for himself or to subvert the natural order of the world, the one who just wanted to live an honest life. The one who was possibly James' own ancestor. When his father gave him the Cloak of Invisibility on the Christmas Eve of his first year at Hogwarts while he was home for the holiday, he had said that such artifact was an old heirloom that was in the family for generations. James considered his father to be a humble person in all honesty, then why was it so difficult for him to show such a trait? For the first time in his life he considered that seriously and came up blank as to the reason. Why self-analysis had to be so hard to do? He scolded himself before allowing his mind to return to the conversation.

"Ignorance can make certain people do very strange and stupid things sometimes, Evans." James replied to her comment about why muggleborns were being killed if they could be considered as hope for the future of magic. "Also there is the fact that my father has some theories that he gets from I really don't know where, but I hope to some day find out, that are not well... public knowledge." James explained his previous Potterish notion the best way he knew how right now.

"So there is hope for me yet..." James said witty. "Even though the bad still far outweighs the good in your point of view." He added in a more leveled tone of voice. James considered that as a veiled slap on his face. Not that he blamed Lily for it. No. He blamed himself. He knew there was so much more to him that was good, but he was afraid to show it off. Yeah. Weird, isn't it? The boy who loves to show off was afraid of letting be public some of his best traits...

James accompanied Lily in her laughter after his oath to try to not annoy her anymore and nodded to her reply. "I'll do my best." He said to reinforce his previous promise. Actually it meant a lot to James to be able to share such an amiable time with no other than Lily. He'd do anything to be able to repeat this as much as possible.

[ashers]

Lily smiled and chuckled as he spoke of getting his hands on some of Shakespeare’s work. “I honestly think it would be easier if you went to see one of his plays over trying to read them, sometimes it’s a lot more powerful to experience it how it was supposed to be than just reading the words on the page.” She thought for a moment about which ones were her favourite. “I don’t have just one favourite.” She laughed as she closed her eyes thinking of her favourites. “As You Like It, A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Twelfth Night, Macbeth.” She laughed as she thought about it. “You have to see Macbeth, just to see the witches. Oh they’re so funny to think that they thought that was how witches acted.” She said with a smile. “Apparently we’re all ugly old crones with beards who meet in the middle of storms to give prophecies to people before making their lives hell.” She laughed and shook her head. “What’s worse is I still know most of their speeches off by heart.”

She watched him and shook her head. “Not even people clueless, I think it’s more to do with the fact you like making people laugh, which isn’t a bad thing, but you don’t ever stop and don’t care at who’s expense. If it was against someone that all of us disliked, like perhaps a teacher or something.” She shrugged. “We all have our faults.”

She looked at him and nodded slightly. “Change always happens, just a matter of when, where and what’s going on at the time.” She said with a slight shrug. She huffed and pushed her hair back. “And I don’t think that Harry is bad, I think you could really get on well with him if you just gave him a chance. He deserves that at least, right?” She said slowly.

She looked at her and sighed laughing slightly. “Okay then, how about this, to try and prove a point instead.” She leaned forward and looked at him. “If it goes for Slytherins, it technically goes for everyone. So have a look at the Gryffindors. Me, you, Peter, Remus, Mary, all of us are true Gryffindors, but it’s not for the same reasons. Remus is brave because of…well…yeah. I’m here because I don’t take crap from anyone, and I’m not afraid of speaking my mind…as you know. Peter’s here because he’s a loyal and nice and in his own way he’s a brave person. And then you…” She sighed and rubbed her head and rubbed her face. “Though I do not want to admit it, you’re willing to stand for what you believe in and you’re a person who will never do something you do want to do.” She said to him with a shrug. “And if you look at all of us together, we’re completely different people. Maybe the Slytherins are the same.”

She smiled slightly when he said he was getting the message. “Well it’s true!” She said laughing. “I’m sorry but you’re not exactly the most innocent person in the world.” She said with a roll of her eyes. “Like I said, no one is perfect.” She shrugged. “I know I’m not.”

She rolled her eyes when he said it sounded as if she cared. “Let’s just say I may not like you, but I don’t wish death upon anyone. You may annoy me but I wouldn’t want to see you die.” She said truthfully as she rubbed her head slightly. She watched him and nodded slightly. “It’s just scary…to think that we’re all going to be going into this war, we’ll be fighting against each other, or side by side, or hiding away from people. I don’t want to think about how this is going to end up.” She looked at him and smiled sadly. “I didn’t mean to make it out as if I don’t care, as if I don’t want to fight, as if I think it’s pointless…it’s just at this stage I dunno if I believe we can do anything. He’s powerful.”

Lily laughed and pushed her hair out of her face, then looked at him sadly. “Sometimes that’s not enough though. It’s great to think we’d have someone to make us fight, but sometimes it’s not enough. People are dying, people will die. Fighting is good to win the wars, but sometimes people are too afraid of death to fight. Do you blame them? I don’t.”

She looked at him and sighed rubbing her face. “I’m not explaining this right. I don’t mean that I expect I’m going to just die straight away. I’m going to fight because it’s right, but I’m not going to lie to myself about what will happen, if I fight or not.” She looked at him and sighed. “I sound depressing, I’m not, just realistic.” She said.

She rolled her eyes when he said about the spotlight being good. “It is, until you get called a mudblood bitch who’s not worth anything, and then get hexed because of your parents not being magical.” She said to him. “I don’t hide that I’m good, I just don’t really…” She sighed. “I don’t play it up like you do.” She said slowly.

Lily smiled and looked over at him. “Your dad seems nice. My dad is really good at coming up with things that the wizarding world does, when he actually doesn’t know anything.” She laughed. “He actually reads my History of Magic books you know. Always tries to learn more so he can talk to me about it.” She laughed and rolled her eyes as she said it. It was funny but sometimes she had to wonder how sane her father was, or anyone was for that matter.

She shrugged. “If you grew up a bit, stopped asking me out so much and all of that, I’d probably have forgiven you for most of the stuff you’ve done over the years if you did all of that.” She said with a slight laugh.

She looked at him when he said he’d do his best, and she couldn’t help but smile slightly. “I know you will.” She said.

[James William Potter]

James smiled at Lily even though she was basically kind of laughing at his curiosity about Shakespeare or his ignorance maybe. His pride tried to tell him to pay her back somehow, but there was also a greater feeling inside him that fought it off as he replied, trying not to sound completely clueless and damage his pride once more. "OK, Evans. I know about what theaters are due to Muggle Studies class, but where can I actually find one?" He asked her in what ended up being a funny tone of voice and then he committed her favorite plays to memory. "That's very wrong… I know some pretty beautiful witches. My mother is one of them really, even at her current old age…" He said with a very disheartened tone of voice.

James truly expected a wiser vision of the world from someone who seemed so gifted to see things as they were, but then that might be what most Muggles think of witches and wizards. It's all about ignorance really. We have ours when it comes to Muggles most of the time and they have theirs when it comes to us, especially when pure-bloods like me are taken into account. Even taking the Muggle Studies class I wouldn't claim to understand Muggles and their society. You gotta live it to know it even if for just a small while or through the eyes of someone who really knows. One good thing comes out it though… That is that our community really excels in hide itself and its true nature. He said in a thoughtful tone. "I'm still interested to go see a play really. It will be an interesting experience, I think." He added, showing more of his usual level of excitement and curiosity.

Lily's reaction was a bit surprising to James actually, specially the negative shake of her head. He heard what she had to say and as always took it to heart. That was something to think about later, probably once he placed his head on the pillow at night. "I think that laughing makes people happy and you know… Happy people don't try to expel or kill each other… Works better with some than others really. Certainly works for me." He said with a smile, being honest. "Oh… We have pranked against that DADA teacher last year, don't you remember it?" He asked, a huge grin gracing his reminiscing features. "What fun would the world be if we were all perfect? No challenge, no building bridges… figuratively speaking, off course… no work at all. Ugh… boring…" He said in a funny way counting the reasons on his fingers.

James nodded affirmatively. "It doesn't make it less difficult to take though. No one is a willing walking metamorphosis. Though some can't escape becoming an unwilling one, I guess. Sometimes I wonder into what I might change in the future. I don't feel particularly frightened at my current possibilities. I don't know why really… I guess looking up at my father gives me hope for myself. If I can become even half of the man he is, I'll be at least a decent man…" He said honestly. He really did hold Charlus in great consideration and it showed in his words. He also couldn't help but feel beneath him sometimes, like the son who doesn't reach the expectations. He though was never treated like that by his parents even after they've received loads of letters from the headmaster on his general inability to behave himself.

"Right." He answered to Lily's question about giving Harry at least a chance thinking back on his father. He passed a nervous hand through his hair, forgetting for a second that Lily really disliked when he further messed the hair at the back of his neck. James knew he was bright, kind at times, but he wasn't able to pardon so freely as his father. He never did pardon Snape for anything since his snide comments at the Hogwarts Express for one and would never find in himself the ability to do so. Maybe. Could he give Harry a chance? Probably. Did he think he should do so? Maybe again. Lily had her way to break through all his defenses and get what she wanted out of him. He had already agreed with what she wanted, he just had to come to terms with himself on how he'd be doing this.

"Yep, poor Remus must be brave sometimes to put up with me and Sirius…" James said jovially with a smile. He knew that Lily and Remus were good friends. Though did she really know about his condition or was she throwing green to make him spill the beans and confirm the Hogwarts grapevine talk about Lupin's lycanthropy? Snape had figured it out last year, thanks to resorting to spying on the Marauders and was sworn into secrecy by Dumbledore according to Lupin. His greatest loyalty was still to the friend who had trusted him with his greatest secret. From James' mouth no one would ever know about Remus, not even his adored Lily.

"I guess you may be right though in the general sense of what you've said. It's just that what glues them together is more times than not really bad. I see potential Death Eaters and decent people really. Much more of the first than the second in Slytherin. It can't be denied. Andromeda is one of the rare decent people really. She kind of stands out in that crowd for me personally. Actually I can count on my fingers how many Slytherins I would trust with anything and there would be more than a full hand of fingers left unused…" He replied looking at the lake again. He knew he was saying something probably unpopular to Lily, but it was his honest opinion.

James smiled at her reply to his previous acknowledgment that he could be loud and obnoxious from time to time. How her laugh was beautiful, he couldn't stop himself from musing about it for a few seconds during which he simply looked at Lily. "I know. Guilty as charged…" He said smiling brightly. "So have you been tricking me, Evans?" He said and then let out a joyful laugh himself, which made it obvious his comment was in jest. "Dad once said that people can be like the elements. Since then, I've always thought you are like the earth as he told me he is. I was told to be like the wind. Sometimes sweet and kind like a breeze, sometimes powerful and destructive like a hurricane, ever changing…" He said honestly in a distant and sort of mysterious tone of voice.

"I know, Evans. Someone like you would never wish death on another person. I mean… even though I dislike some people deeply and even loathe a few others, not even I wish true death on anyone… or would let it happen out of my action or my inaction." James said nodding to reinforce his belief on what he was saying. "All I can say is that it will end up in a mess and those are the times when people show their true face. Some might surprise for the better, others for the worse. I guess we'll have to wait and see." He said, his tone of voice not very strong or filled with conviction now. He feared most surprises that might be along the way, specially with the arrival of the transfers. As if there weren't enough variables already before they showed up.

"True. He's powerful. That is undeniable or he wouldn't be able to cause such an immense turmoil. Yet, I suppose power is something that comes in many measures and forms. We might be surprised by what we may accomplish if we try hard to fight, specially if we have a really good reason to cling on to life every time we go out to do so. I do believe when Dumbledore says that the power of the love that connects me to the people I care about is stronger than most magic out there. It's for them that I will fight, not for myself, even though I'm a desirable target to the Death Eaters for being a muggleborn supporter blood traitor as they say. I think it's pointless to survive in a lonely state after everyone who is important to you is gone. I fear loneliness a lot more than I fear death…" James laid down his thoughts and then unconsciously revealed to Lily that his greatest fear was actually being alone.

"Sometimes we underestimate the power of one single soul to change things around it. If You-Know-Who can do so for the worst, what tells you that another cannot balance him out? There is both bad and good magical energies out there, Evans. Stuff we may not even understand or know about completely… I don't think I need to tell you which one he represents… So where is the good stuff amassing itself? I won't personally loose hope. If my part in this is just to build a path for others to walk later, there is no dishonor in that… I think…" James said musing on his own words as he spoke them. His selfless side was beginning to show its face. This conversation was bringing to his mind old conversations he had had with his father even before coming to Hogwarts on the effects of karma in magic. Now he was really afraid of what kind of karma he had been amassing around himself lately. He was never mean for mean's sake, true, but it didn't make him innocent of certain actions he chose to execute. You reap what you sow after all.

"I don't think you sound depressing… I understand where you're coming from." James said with a small smile. "I know it's hard to keep your hopes up with all that is happening out there. Though I choose to believe that things won't stay this way forever. I may be fooling myself greatly, but that is my choice on how to face all this. I won't let someone take from me my joy to be alive nor those who give me such joy without causing some grief back. No… a lot of grief really." He continued. James is by nature a positive guy. He will rarely choose to be gloomy when he can be laughing and often he would prefer to be the cheering voice inciting people to move rather than stay motionless and let life pass by him.

James slightly kicked the earth beneath and in front of his right foot to vent his bottled up anger when Lily mentioned the behaviors to which she was subjected from time to time due to her muggleborn status. He turned his face away so she couldn't see his expression of total disgust. Those events, when they reached his ears somehow, never went unpunished by him, even before James started to have greater part of his attention placed on this particular muggleborn. Yet, it was always tried again and not just with Lily either. Sometimes James thought that those idiots were so retarded he'd have to resort to more creative methods of punishment than just his usual pranks or just make it more obvious the reasons why he was picking them up for that particularly nasty prank. Again you reap what you sow.

"I'm sure all those idiots found themselves holding the short end of the stick soon afterwards… It's karma, you know…" His words and his smile were showing a level of self satisfaction. "I know… I like to talk about myself and show off a lot, right?" James asked knowing which would be the probable answer. Yet, he rarely caught himself thinking about himself or his own needs. He was always thinking more about his family, his friends, Lily or just the people who needed to be avenged in his playful ways. Though he is still totally unaware of such behavioral tendency of his due to being far from that level of maturity or self understanding at the moment. It is true though, and he is aware of this, that it is part of his bombastic personality to be boastful in order to call attention. He loves and craves such attention.

James nodded his affirmation of Lily's statement about Charlus Potter as she spoke it. "Yes, he's very nice and wise. I guess it came with his age, specially the latter. My dad is to most what their grandpa would be in age and in wisdom as well." James opened up a little bit more about his father to Lily. "Your dad seems just as nice to me, Evans. If just more people showed his will to understand that which is different from themselves, we wouldn't be on the verge of fighting a war over exactly such lack of vision and wisdom." James replied to what she had decided to open up about her own father. He was beginning to see where Lily was coming from and gaining an even greater admiration for her, which showed on his smile.

"Really?" James asked and then joined Lily on her laugh. "I don't know about that, Evans… I always thought this growing up thing was optional… Only growing older was mandatory… No?" He added clearly in jest shaking his head negatively. "Well, if you'd like to be… ugh… more friendly with me… I really liked to talk to you normally like two people who can share a couple words or more without shouting… So much better than anything that came before in the whole history of our relationship… " He added a little uncertain. He knew he felt a deep admiration for Lily, but he also knew that he wanted more than a friendship, even if a close one, with her.

Though he was also perceptive enough to know that his usual approach was not taking him anywhere. Maybe if he could make himself her friend, she'd be able to notice his qualities like his friends do and then start to see him in a different light. That was another way to go about it. Roundabout, demanding lots of work and building bridges, but one that could bear fruit. He was willing to try this out. He could've been a Hufflepuff, so hard work is no problem for James Potter specially when he can see a return coming from it. As Lily said she knew he would try his best not to annoy her anymore, James smiled and looked down at those beautiful emeralds she had for eyes once more as a way to silently reinforce his vow.

[ashers]

Lily frowned and tilted her head to the side when James spoke of his Muggle Studies class. “I didn’t know you took Muggle Studies, I didn’t think it would be your type of thing.” She said then smiled thinking about where he could go. “The Globe theatre would be the best, that’s modelled on the theatre that was built for Shakespeare himself, but if not there…” She shook her head. “I’m not entirely sure, I usually just go to ones in my town done by youth groups and schools.” She thought about it and shook her head smiling. “I’ll find some tickets and send you them.” She told him with a smile on her face. She wasn’t saying that she’d go with him, but she was at least trying to be friendly with him.

He spoke of beautiful witches and she smiled shaking her head. “It was written a long time ago when muggles believed in witches and believed them to be dangerous. And besides, he might have seen some of the old witches in The Hog’s Head.” She said smiling rather amused.

She had to admit she was very impressed at his words, he spoke of muggles and ignorance on both sides and she knew he was right. She pushed a strand of hair back and shrugged. “Muggles aren’t that different really. I mean, there’s no house elves, or brooms, but we have vacuum cleaners and cars.” She smiled and laughed before turning to him with a slight challenging look in her eyes. “Bet you couldn’t last an hour in the muggle world.” She teased him lightly as she scratched her hand through her hair.

Lily looked at him and shrugged. “Your jokes are funny sometimes, just other times I find them a little…I dunno, annoying I guess.” She looked at him and smiled slightly. “No offence.” He spoke of pranking the DADA teacher and she frowned. “I don’t remember that, no, maybe I was too busy studying for some form of exam.” She mused. Then when he spoke about life being boring she shook her head. “I’m not asking for perfection, just less childishness.” She said with a nod.

As she listened to him speaking of his father, Lily had to glance at him, and smile. “I’d like to meet your father, he sounds like a good man.” She said as she pushed her hair back and looked at him. [/b]“And you are a decent man, most of the time.” [/b]She said with a slight roll of her eyes, to make sure that he knew that she wasn’t completely forgiving or a complete push over…though he probably already knew that, Lily wasn’t afraid to show him it. “I think you learn a lot from your parents though. My mum…” Lily laughed slightly and smiled. “She’s lovely, but she’s so stubborn. If she doesn’t know something or someone isn’t telling her something she will bother them until they tell her.” She laughed shaking her head. “But at the same time she’s so lovely and kind and is nice to anyone.” Lily smiled gently and shook her head. “God sorry I just went on a complete tangent about my mum.”

Lily looked at James when he spoke of Remus being brave about putting up with Sirius and himself, and Lily looked amused. “You’re extremely loyal. I figured it out though, and seeing as I have prefect patrol duty with him and he doesn’t turn up at certain times…I’m not an idiot.” She said but shrugged slightly. “I won’t make you say it though. I get you protecting him and I admire it.” She told him with a smile. “But he already admitted it to me…after I told him I wouldn’t say a word.”

She frowned slightly at his comment of the Slytherins but shrugged. “Maybe one of them will surprise you one day.” She said. Lily didn’t enjoy judging people she didn’t know. She liked to have a reason fro judging someone, and right now she had no reason to judge every one of them. Hell she barely knew any of them.

She raised an eyebrow when he asked if she’d been tricking him. “How could I trick the trickster king himself?” She asked him as she looked at him amused. She laughed slightly when he spoke of the elements. “Okay I agree with the wind for you, but I don’t think you’re right about me.” She said as she lay back. “You’ve felt my temper right? I’d definitely say I’m more like fire.” She teased him as she pushed her hair back.

She huffed and sighed as she looked at him. “I wish this war wouldn’t come, that we could continue on like normal teenagers and act like idiots, and then when we have to leave Hogwarts we wouldn’t have to worry about the possibility of dying or killing or both.” She said as she looked up at the sky. “It seems so unfair that we must kill and die for the sake of that vile creature and his stupid prejudice.”

She looked over at him and stayed silent for a moment, looking at James and seeing a completely different side of him. “It’s strange.” She whispered. “I’ve never heard you like this, if I hadn’t heard it, I would never have believed you say such a thing.” She flicked her hair out of her face. “And trust me, you’ll never be alone. You have too many friends to ever be alone. You shouldn’t fear loneliness at all.”

She laughed slightly at his words and shook her head. “There’s no dishonour in anything we do if we believe it’s for the right reasons, unfortunately, sometimes we get lost in the grey area of what is right and what is wrong. It’s how some of the more prominent pureblood families, like the Black’s who actually do believe in the whole purist ideals stay at the top and are still seen as good families in the magical world.” She said as she looked at him. “A world of grey is what we live in. It will take years and a lot of work to change that.”

She couldn’t help but smile and laugh when he spoke of a lot of grief. “You’ll never back down will you? That’s probably why we knock heads so much, we’re both too stubborn.” She shook her head and looked away slowly. “Maybe some day we’ll have to try and find some form of compromise.” She said slowly.

She shrugged at his comment of karma. “Karma, or others or myself cursing the heck out of them.” She said with a slight laugh. “I’m not afraid to show them that I can do more than they think I can.” She said with a slight shrug.

She watched him as he spoke about showing off. She laughed slightly and shrugged. “A little bit.” She said. “But if you didn’t it wouldn’t be you, same way as if I did, it wouldn’t be me.”

She laughed as he spoke of his dad and shrugged. “I’d like to meet him, it’s not often you get to speak to an older wizard unless they’re selling you something or teaching you…or at least when you’re a muggleborn.” She said. She smiled and laughed more at the comment about people being like her dad. “If my dad was ever in any way in charge or anything like that we would all be forced into doing stupid dances and singing far too loudly while he tried his hardest to embarrass me in anyway shape or form.” She laughed and shook her head pushing her hair back.

She looked at him amused as he spoke of growing old being the only thing that was mandatory. “I’m pretty sure that some day you will be faced with the idea of having to grow up even a little bit, and you will have to realise that it’s not like the worst thing that could ever happen.” She said to him with a smile. When he spoke about talking like normal people she looked at him. “Potter, we’ve held a conversation for a pretty long while just now, I’d say we’ve started to become normal people, or at least a little bit.” She joked slightly.

She looked at him and pushed her hair back slowly. “I can’t promise I’ll always be nice to you, but I can try.” She told him with a shrug.

[James William Potter]

James funnily raised an eyebrow at Lily when she said she didn't think that Muggle Studies was his thing. "Why not, Evans? I'm really curious about things I don't know much of… Have always been even before coming to school. I mean… I never particularly showed any kind of dislike towards Muggles or Muggleborns even though I am a pureblood… I don't get the surprise really…" He said scratching the back of his neck, making his rebellious hair even more unruly. Again a nervous action more than anything else. "Well… there is also the fact that my parents always told me that understanding is necessary… even though I know I fail to practice that lesson on occasion… OK. A certain good part of the time maybe…" He said and then rested his case as he was starting to babble.

"I'll wait for the tickets then and find someone to go with me. Probably my dad. He is always up for this sort of thing. I guess I've got my nearly infinite curiosity about everything from him. I'll try to convince my mom to go too. That might be a bit harder to do though. Can you get three tickets for us? I'll pay for them, off course." He said with a smile. A part of him, the delusional and in love part, was hoping that Lily would offer herself to go with him as the third if his mom didn't want to go, as a friend, not a date, though he would probably find a way to turn it into a date and then tell no one if she chose to keep it a secret.

James laughed freely at Lily's comment about Shakespeare seeing some of the old witches in the Hog's Head. "Oh… That would certainly cause a bad impression on anyone…" He said in a joking tone still smiling. "I know about cars… Seen many back home." He said proudly. "The other thing is for cleaning stuff, right? Only seen one in book pictures so far…" He asked and then unconsciously confessed his ignorance, though he was fast to try to amend that. "Ugh… I mean… Muggles use it to suck dirt instead of simply vanishing with it, right?" He then reciprocated her challenging look, asking. "Is that really a challenge, Ms. Evans? I was raised at London by fairly open minded folks, I might surprise you…" He gave a little trivia about his upbringing.

"Ah… well… nothing can be unanimously considered good or bad. Too many types of minds, too many different sentences…" James mused with himself a bit too loud as he gazed into the lake again. "I'm not offended. It's OK really, Evans. I guess it's safe to assume you're not the only one who thinks that way… It's fine." He said honestly as he faced her again. There was no kind of hurt in his features. "Evans… I get wanting to keep your grades up and all, as I do care about that too and learning new stuff well, but you should really be less obsessed about it and live your life a little more." James said trying to be helpful in his point of view.

"These are meant to be the best years of our lives and well… obsessing over studying is not the best way to enjoy them, I think. Hang out more with your friends. Make more friends. I really think you should laugh more…" He said and decided not to continue with the fact that he believed she was really beautiful when she was laughing and he wanted to dedicate the rest of his mortal life to make her laugh a little every day. "OK… I think I haven't helped myself with those last comments…" James replied as an afterthought to her comment about less childishness. He was now hoping not to have sounded like a fun obsessed guy. He liked to enjoy himself a lot and knew how to do it, there was no doubt about it, but he had other goals in life too and being a good student was indeed amongst them for the time being. His own grades were there to prove it.

"Well… You could come to the theater with us…" James said very innocently after Lily showed an interest to meet with his father and then catching himself in the act, brought a folded hand to his forehead. "I mean… uh… That was not supposed to sound like… uh… I promised I wouldn't ask you out this time… uh… It's not that at all… You could invite your folks too and… ugh… That just sounded worse…" Now both his hands were covering his face. James had absolutely no kind of shame to ask Lily out in public or not, the many times he got his trials rejected were there as proof of that fact. What was different now was the promise he had made her not to do so today or during this particular conversation. "Just forget what I said, please…" He offered as an atonement. He did not miss the fact that Lily said that he was a decent man most of the time, but his smile couldn't be seen as his hands were still covering his face.

James smiled back with the same kind of gentleness Lily had done, his hands having dropped to rest by his sides now. "She sounds to be a lot like I see you, Evans. Except maybe for the part about bothering people to tell things they want to keep to themselves. I really don't know if that is something you tend to do or not… " He said honestly looking in her direction, having recovered his momentum completely from his previous slip-up. "There is nothing wrong about tangents. I tend to go on them a lot too. I'm not annoyed." He said meaning it. Actually he liked to know a bit more about her family. Who knows? That knowledge might help him in the future when he meets with them. He could only hope.

His natural smile broadened as she said the words loyal and admire. Thanks, Evans. James said in reply to Lily's words about not making him say Lupin's secret out loud. He would not. Never. The Marauders had their euphemism to describe it. The furry little problem. It actually led people to think that Remus owned a badly behaved furry animal instead. "I've never thought for an instant you were an idiot… It's just that I didn't know that you knew for sure and I would never betray my friend. Even with lesser things than that…" He tried to explain his previous comment as not a way to insult her intelligence, but as a way to preserve Remus while trying to be respectful to her instead. Actually it was good that she knew. The thought of sharing a secret with Lily was a nice one to James, even if it was a secret about someone else, a dear friend to them both.

"I'm not saying it is impossible, just that I think it is highly unlikely. It would be a good kind of surprise though." James said about the Slytherins becoming good for anything in the near future. He had a greater knowledge of some of them than Lily due to family hearsay that reached his household even though his father was very against gossiping about other people's lives. His mother though sometimes let escape some comments she had heard around the wizarding circles and that wasn't very encouraging more times than not even in her own point of view.

"Trickster king, huh? Nice to know you have such a high opinion of my abilities." James said obviously in good fun. His smile growing brighter at the thought she would choose such words to describe him. He saw no harm implied in them. "No… no… no…" He said shaking his head negatively for greater emphasis. "Fire people are destructive by nature. They burn everything in their path like true flames. You-Know-Who is the paragon of the fire people. Even if you tried hard, you wouldn't be able to be like that… ever. Earth can shake from time to time when annoyed with frictions. Earthquakes, you know… It's greatest nature though is to be selfless, caring and nurturing. You're definitely an earth person like my dad and for what you've said earlier possibly your mom too, Evans." James explained maintaing the good humor and respect for her as a person in his last two phrases.

James looked at his feet for a couple of seconds and then turned to face Lily again. "Yeah… That would be great, wouldn't it? But unfortunately not always we get what we want, we only get what we get and then we are forced to do our best with that… Now it is I who sound a bit depressing, not?" He said to his conversational partner while trying to keep the spirit up. The thought that life could or should be harmless, fun and just go on until its natural end was one that was appealing to James, but the truth suddenly superseded such an image within his mind. "Well… Life is unfair sometimes… Yet, it does get better when it is meant to do so… As the saying goes, every cloud has a silver lining…" He said in a distant tone of voice. He believed that this could only be a phase in passing. No one deserved it not to be one.

"Maybe… Who knows how many of us will survive to see the better days ahead? I don't know…" James said as a reply to her comment about him having many friends and not needing to fear being alone. That was something that was beginning to hit him with more strength than ever lately. They were getting older and were expected to choose a side in the war. James knew for what or whom he wanted to fight, but it also brought up a fear that was a great reason for some of his chosen behaviors. "Why would you not believe I could say something like this?" He asked as an afterthought or more like a thought said out loud really.

"True…" James said in a distant voice. "World of gray, it is indeed." He said a bit disheartened. "You can even get away with murder if you know the right people or can force your will over them. It's just… crazy and absurd." He continued disgusted at it. Being a pureblood he knew more of the engine of the wizarding world than Lily did. Yet, it did not mean that he agreed with the status quo, which was just worse than ever with the whole Voldemort thing going on on top of everything else that always went on. "Don't even get me started on the nonsensical behavior of the Blacks, especially after what they did to Sirius last Summer. Noble is not a word I would choose to describe most of their behavior as most of them seem to do…" He said, a bit of anger escaping him with his words since it was him who had to try to repair the damage done to his best friend together with the other Marauders and his parents. "Sometimes it is a bit hard to believe that my mom is actually a née Black herself…" James said in a musing tone of voice.

"Me back down? I don't know what that is, Evans…" James said regaining his jovial tone and demeanor. "Yep. It's very possible that such is the reason why we argue so much. Too much agreeing makes people loose will to defend their opinion though. Knocking heads a bit is not too bad, I think, as long as it is not all the time…" He continued honestly. He actually enjoyed a little argument as long as it was friendly like this one they were sharing. Something that wouldn't leave hard feelings behind anyone. "Compromise? Like… we both agreeing to let go of something for the other's sake? That is a day I want to live to see… Really." He said smiling. The thought of leaving such opinion generated frictions behind them was something that spoke to James' heart loudly. He would be willing to try something like that in the near future.

"Or all of the above…" James said to her reply about his karma comment. "That's the spirit, Evans. There is no reason to take such crap home." He continued in a supporting tone. His smile growing increasingly larger as well. He heard as she talked about their different ways of facing attention. "I think you're right and it has to do with the nature we have. Earth x wind. Air, though vital, is usually taken for granted, just being there unseen, unless it's showing its power or making a mess…" He said and then laughed openly.

When Lily mentioned she'd like to meet with his dad again, James was more aware this time around not to say something idiotic. "Don't worry. I won't suggest something I shouldn't again…" He said with a smile and now it was his turn to shrug before continuing. "Who knows? Maybe you might see him around when he comes to visit and talk to Dumbledore. Not always it is about my general inability to behave myself either. They're friends for a long time, you know, since people believed the Earth was flat…" He said making a slight joke in the end. "Seriously, you can count a few decades there at least." He said in a more composed way.

James listened as Lily spoke about her father's antics and his smile grew larger before he replied. "What's wrong with that, Evans? I see a kindred fun loving spirit myself. He certainly must make your family have a lot of fun and not let you get out of it. Now it is I who am interested to meet with your dad. I think we are a bit alike after what you've just said… You know… People who prefer to laugh and keep enjoying themselves rather than go the doom and gloom route even when things are about to suck a great deal, people who tend to raise the energy around them and make others happier or at least try." As if possible, his smile grew ever bigger. It is said, after all, that one seeks a spouse who is similar to one's parents. James was now really curious to meet with Mr. Evans to see what else they might have in common.

James heard as Lily said he might have to get acquainted with the idea of growing up someday. "I just know one thing, Evans. I don't want to become a squared, boring person who is all about work and no fun. I see many do that after school. I can take responsibilities, if needed, even now, but I don't want to be just another guy at the Ministry once I finish Auror training." He said honestly about what he didn't want for his future. "Do you know I was chosen as the new Gryffindor Quidditch Team Captain this year? Yep, the team is my responsibility now. Pick up new people to replace last year's graduates, come up with training schedules that don't mess with other teams' or school work and tests, solving interpersonal issues… It'll be interesting, I think…" He revealed to her his thoughts on his new taken responsibilities.

James laughed openly at Lily's slight joke about them just being like normal people now. "Yeah. Haven't we? If we told people they wouldn't believe it, especially if it is me saying that… They'd think I'm being delusional…" He stopped for a while to chuckle and then continued. "It has been nice though. Did you just notice something, Evans?" He asked, his eyes glowing with anticipation as they searched for hers. "Remember that compromise we just spoke of a while ago? I think we have just reached it right here and now. I've promised to try not to annoy you anymore and you've promised to try to be nice to me from now on. I see that as a sort of compromise, don't you?" He said hopeful for a positive reply.

[ashers]

She laughed as he raised an eyebrow and covered her face embarrassed. “Wow I just stereotyped didn’t I?” She shook her head. “Sorry, it’s more that from what I know of you I dunno maybe I just didn’t expect you to take much notice.” She joked lightly as she looked at him. “But you know, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t make judgements.” She said as she scratched her arm slightly. She looked at him and grinned at his comment about failing to practice the lesson of understanding, but decided not to comment on it.

She smiled and nodded. “Yeah no problem. I’ll get my mum to have a look around for a few different ones in different places, would it be easier for you if I could find tickets in London or are you okay with anywhere? Because I can probably get cheaper tickets in my town, but I can probably get better actors and just generally better shows down London. But I can probably find a bunch of different plays and I’ll just give you a list.” Lily didn’t understand completely why she was so passionate about this, but she really loved introducing people to muggle culture, especially if they didn’t know much and Lily enjoyed something.

She laughed when he said about the bad impression on anyone. “Yeah you could definitely say that.” Lily said as she looked over at him. Lily couldn’t help but grin as he spoke of knowing about cars. “You ever been in one?” She teased him as he said he’d seen cars. “Yeah you’re right about the vacuum cleaner.” She said as she pushed her hair back once more. “You gotta remember in the muggle world we can’t just vanish it, you don’t have a wand or anything like that.” She grinned when he asked if it was a challenge. “Open mindedness is completely different to living it Potter. I mean if I took your wand away from you for a day what would you do?” She grinned. “Or better yet, if I took away your wand while you lived a day in the life of a muggle, what would you do?” She said with a grin, honestly curious about this. “And by the way, London doesn’t count as muggle, London’s so big and weird and everything that you could go around dressed in robes and no one would even blink an eye.” She teased.

When he spoke of nothing being definitely good or bad Lily laughed. “I dunno, we have Voldemort.” She said as she began to pull at a piece of hair and plait it slightly. She was glad that she hadn’t offended her and smiled at him slightly before looking away. When he spoke about living her life a little she laughed slightly and shook her head. “Would that I could.” She mumbled as she pulled her fingers through the plait she’d just made. “It’s hard though. I mean, I’ve always been the person who’s pushed herself to do the best she can, and when I came here…it was either sink or swim. Become just another muggleborn kid who would do okay, or show people that I deserve to be here, and I guess it just makes me feel like it doesn’t matter how many people say I don’t deserve it, because I know I do.” She said trying to show what she felt and how she had to deal with it. “That and really I have a few friends but no one really close or anything.” She said as she started picking at her nails once more.

When he continued with his comments of her studying too much. She couldn’t help but laugh and look at him with a wide mouth as if half insulted but too amused to care when he spoke of her needing to laugh more. “Are you saying I don’t laugh Potter?” She teased him as she watched wondering if he’d struggle with whatever he was going to say next. “I mean I could do a you I guess and just laze around a bit.” She teased, but lying back where she was stretching her arms back as if to show lazing and relaxing.

She raised her eyebrow at his comment of going to the theatre with him and couldn’t help but let an amused smile creep onto her face as he attempted to dig himself out of a hole he hadn’t dug himself into. She watched him and chuckled as she lay back resting her weight on her elbows. “Huh, well I think you just apologised for something that wasn’t there.” She said with a smile. “And I do find it extremely hard to say no to Shakespeare.” She said without looking at him. She wasn’t saying that she was going to be definitely going, but she was saying she might.

Lily couldn’t help but smile when he said her mum sounded like her. “I wish. If I become half as good as my mum is then I’d be so thankful and grateful. Seriously.” She laughed and shook her head. She smiled and shook her head.

She nodded as he spoke about not wanting to betray his friends. “I’d never ask you to betray him. No I get it, it’s something not a lot of people would do if they knew, which is sad because he’s such a great guy. So you never have to say it out loud or anything.” She shook her head while smiling.

She smiled and shrugged. “Maybe it’s one of the surprises we’ll get sooner rather than later.” She said with a slight laugh as she pushed her hair back. She didn’t know what to say really, she wanted to feel like could trust some of the Slytherins, or at least give them the benefit of the doubt, but she couldn’t help but wonder if James was right. Most of them seemed to work towards the darkness that they’d been brought up to think about, and Lily had witnessed it most days.

She laughed and shrugged slightly. “Well I think that you put your talents to bad use, but who am I to judge? And yes I’d say you’re the trickster king.” She joked with a grin. She laughed and raised her eyebrow when he started repeating no. He spoke of fire people and she couldn’t help but smile at his comments of her not being fire. She grinned and blushed bright red when he told her she was selfless, caring and nurturing. She opened her mouth a few times, trying to think and trying to find the words to reply. “James Potter, you actually have me pretty much speechless.” She said rather shocked at the fact that she was speechless and the fact that James had made her so.

She looked at him and grinned slightly. “Well at least I’m not the only one who’s going depressing.” She laughed. “And you’re part of the idiot group, you’re one of the head runners of the idiot group, you shouldn’t be depressing you should be laughing all the time.” She joked with a smile. Her smile grew sad as he spoke of clouds with silver lining. “We can hope for it.” She whispered to him as she began to pick at her nails again.

She shook her head and looked at him, taking his hand in hers gently to show that she really meant this. “I think no matter what happens, with all the friends you have, there is no way that you’ll go out of this world with love and friends and family. I mean, with the friends you have, though I hate to admit this, but those are friends that you will have for life, who respect and love you and that’s something that doesn’t go away even when we die.” She whispered to him. Then she dropped his hand and laughed when he commented on not believing his words. “Because you’re James Potter. And not only that, I still remember that eleven year old kid who just made fun of my best friend on the train. First impressions last, and I haven’t held a conversation with you that wasn’t like just screaming at your smug sarcastic face until now. So I guess I don’t know what you’ll come out with and it surprises me when it’s not smug or sarcastic or making fun or anything like that.” She said honestly.

She shrugged when he spoke about it. “It’s politics, it’s old blood, it’s being taught the right things.” She said. “It sucks but it happens.” She said with a sigh. When he said about the Blacks she shook her head and rolled her eyes. “I honestly don’t get where Sirius came from when it comes to that family, I mean I don’t like him, but if I had to chose to be in a room with any of them I’d much rather it be Sirius than any of the others.” She said shaking her head, wincing at the thought of some of the cruelty that had been thrown at her from that lot because of her blood. She looked at James and raised an eyebrow when he spoke of his mother. “…wait is she more like a Sirius type Black or a Bellatrix type Black? Should I be afraid if both of us go to see this Shakespeare play?” She joked lightly with a smile.

She laughed at his comment of him backing down. “Can I ask, do you get to the point in an argument where you realise that you’re wrong, like on some stupid tiny detail, but because you’re so far into the argument you won’t back down and you will try your hardest to win it?” She grinned and laughed when she said that, knowing she’d done it a few times. She laughed at his thought of compromise. “We could always agree to disagree?” She said with an eyebrow raised.

She smiled at the all of the above comment. “Why do I get the feeling that you’re one of those others?” She teased with a slight smile. He spoke of nature and she laughed. “And you often show your power and make a hell of a mess.” She said with a smile.

She smiled slightly and shook her head as she grinned slightly. When he said about his dad talking to Dumbledore, Lily raised an eyebrow. “Uhhh, I don’t think I even get to speak to Dumbledore normally, if it was your dad and Dumbledore I’d just kinda squeak and run away like a mouse.” She said with a laugh as she shook her head.

She groaned as James said about kindred spirits to do with him and her dad. “You’ve never met my dad.” She said laughing as she covered her face. “I mean I love him but yeah, you are not meeting him, there’s no way, you’d both be bad influences on each other.” She said with a laugh shaking her head as she thought about what it would be like if the two of them ever met.

“If James Potter ever became boring I think the world would implode.” She said as she shook her head. “But we’re not like Peter Pan, there’s no Neverland that’s going to keep us kids and make us fly with pixie dust.” She frowned, wondering if he got the reference but shrugged it off as she thought about it. If he didn’t he would learn it probably. She looked at him and smiled when he said about being Quidditch Captain. “Well done. Now that is one thing you will never ever ever get me to do. I will never get on a broom.” She said with a shiver going through her at the thought of it. She did not feel safe. “But you’ll do it, I mean the Gryffindor team is really good, and you’ll make them work hard but you’ll do it so that everyone can still do work.” She said with a nod.

She laughed. “And if people heard I’d held a conversation with you they’d think I had either gone crazy or that I was sick.” She said with a slight laugh as she shook her head. She looked at him as he spoke about compromise again and smiled slightly. “Maybe we’re both starting to grow up in a good way.” She commented.

[James William Potter]

James opened a small smile at Lily's embarrassment. Not because she was embarrassed, but because she maybe was beginning to see what lied beneath the mask of fun and carelessness he usually wore. "I guess you just did, Evans, but I'm not offended." He replied to her question about stereotyping him. "In your defense, I'm not that easy to read sometimes… Like I, on occasion, do things that surprise some people. I guess it's because you don't know me that well…" He added with a shrug as it was the most probable cause for the surprises anyway.

It gave James a nice feeling to see and hear Lily so passionate to do something for him. "Thanks." He replied simply to her willingness to help him out in the ticket hunting. "Well, me and my parents live in London so it would be handy, but honestly anywhere is just an apparition away… So it doesn't really matter, as long as there is a hidden place nearby where we can pop in." He explained with a smile. "Pricing is also not very important… as long as it is not exorbitant, off course. Anything within reason is alright for us." He explained. The Potters were rich and James had no shame to say it out loud to anyone who asked, but right now he decided not to boast about it. "Honestly, since I know little to nothing about it, I think it is wiser to go with whichever play you choose for a first experience." He said honestly. It was a bit difficult for James to simply delegate a choice to someone else, but how could he choose amongst things that to him would most likely seem to be the same? It was best to let Lily do it. He was sure of it.

James laughed in reply to Lily's laugh on his comment. Laughing with her had another kind of joy to it that he could not explain, only feel and relish in it. "Once. It was a taxi. I remember my mom got really afraid that I was going home alone from King's Cross. I can remember clearly she complaining with dad about them not picking me up for the holidays. It was a couple years back… Dad sorted the payment with the guy, I think he had some Muggle money exchanged earlier or something… The… driver, right?… was fun and we talked the whole trip." James described his previous experience within a car. "Now the really fun part of this story was me trying to find the taxi at the station…" He said with a huge smile. "I think dad wanted me to pass through this experience. I don't put it past him. I also don't complain. He was just teaching me to get by on my own and without magic. Helps to appreciate those who can't rely on it." He said honestly.

James shrugged. "I know Muggles don't carry wands, Evans… Though vanishing with stuff you don't want anymore is very handy. Imagine the quantity of unwanted things that a Muggle household must produce a day… I find myself thinking about these things from time to time… Odd, I know." He said trying to imagine what his words were saying and smiling. Then she asked what he would do if he found himself without his wand while having to live a Muggle's life. He thought for a moment and then replied. "Well… I'd do the only three things I could possibly do in such situation, Evans." James replied with a smile.

"Number one would be try to adapt and do things myself. Failing miserably at first, off course. After I notice that fact, which wouldn't take long as I'd still need to do normal stuff somehow, swallow my pride and charm someone to help me out or do it for me with my natural charisma, which would be option number two. Then cycle between number one and two until number two was no longer needed. So... I would apply observation in this instance to fend for myself eventually." He explained his most probable course of action in such a hypothetic situation. James was a very clever young man and it was unlikely that he would sulk and fail. He wouldn't allow himself to fail. "Before you ask, number three would be trying to do my magic without my wand, which is possible, just not that easy. If I managed that, I wouldn't have to rely on the other two options, but would still use them out of curiosity maybe…" He added with a smile.

James just nodded affirmatively and laughed when Lily described London as not counting as Muggle due to all the weirdness going on around there on a daily basis. "Yet, not everyone thinks Voldemort is so bad. There are really crazy people out there, Evans…" He said to reinforce his previous comment. He started to look with curiosity as she plaited a piece of her bright red hair until she destroyed it. "I understand where you're coming from, but that was back then when you had something to prove to people and yourself. It is way more than proven now, in my opinion, that you deserve to be here and who doesn't see it is a blind prejudiced idiot. Pay no notice to them. You have earned it, now it is time to relish on the fruits of your hard work." He said, trying to be supportive and not knowing if it was enough or not. That was the moment James chose to sit down besides Lily again, forgetting about the whole seeking out Harry idea for the moment.

When Lily said she had no one to whom she was close, James' heart became small again. He knew he was part of the reason why she had lost her best friend, even though he also did feel she was better off away from Snape, the little Death Eater wannabe. "I've always been told that it's important to form true bonds in life. Are you telling me that you have no one you can truly rely on or feel free to tell everything that happens with you and seek for counsel when you're in trouble other than your family? No one here at Hogwarts beyond some shallower friendships? That is sad, really. It makes me want to be here for you… in a friendly and supportive way… No one should feel alone like that… Unless I misunderstood something you said… He said in a sadder tone of voice, showing the other face of the trickster king, the kind one of a boy who didn't like to see people alone or truly suffering without doing something to lend a hand as he was able at the time. The Marauders knew well this side of James, but not many others did at Hogwarts.

His smile grew increasingly as she laughed. After just a fast look into her eyes, James knew she wasn't really upset with him. "No. I'm saying you don't laugh nearly enough in my opinion, Evans. Well… I think you have laughed more in the last ten minutes than the whole of the last trimester before Summer break and I'm happy for it. I mean… I'm happy that I could make you a bit happier, even if just on the surface… You deserve that too… Feel happy, I mean. Everyone does." He said, babbling a little in the end, so he chose to shut up and open a shinning smile instead.

James did not loose the opportunity to mirror Lily's actions and also lied back on the grass, placing his hands beneath his head to support it. "Relaxing is a good thing to do after a long day or week, you know. It also does not mean you're doing nothing. Look at me…" He said and then closed his eyes. "I'm just taking the time to close my eyes and look through a few memories of this last week's classes to sort them out in order to absorb their content and not just the talking I was engaged in with Sirius or Peter during them. I can never get Remus to talk to me during class, he's just so concentrated on the teacher's voice all the time. Doing this now, I won't have to study too much for my exams later even though I copied nothing during classes and not exactly paid attention in them either. I just have to close my eyes and retrieve the memories I'm taking the time to form now… huh… We've revised Dementors and Inferi for DADA, the Goblin Rebellions of 1612 for History of Magic, new Draught of Living Death for Potions…" James then suddenly stopped talking and opened his eyes, turning his head towards Lily while smiling. "Oops. I think I just told you my secret on how I keep my grades up…" He said and then laughed looking at the beautiful fading colors of the sky above.

James was still appreciating the sky when Lily said that he had apologized for nothing. His smile grew larger even at her next reply. She might go to the theater with him and his parents. "That way you could explain things to us on the fly, if need be. Quietly, off course." He said while a stray thought began to inhabit his mind. He had never told his mother about his feelings for Lily, only his dad. Maybe it was better to leave it like that for the time being, especially if Dorea was to be nice to Evans if she did happen to go with them in the end.

James used his elbows to raise his upper body and then turned his head to face Lily with one of the brightest smiles he had opened so far. "Looks like we both seek to follow after the footsteps of one of our parents… Which is normal for most lovingly raised children. I wonder if my kids would want to follow in mine in the future…" He said and then laughed at the thought of a mini James running around Hogwarts and looking up at him to find the right path in life. If he only knew what the future had in store on that account.

James heard Lily and nodded. "There is just so much nonsense going around. I mean some people would treat him like a freak, when he is not abnormal at all, just because of that little problem." He said disheartened. "Sometimes I have a feeling that he is the only person besides my dad who can make me actually think and show some… uh… I don't know… a kind of wisdom?" He continued not knowing exactly what to say. "He is a special kind of person and I'm glad to have met him and that he accepted to be my friend, really. Sometimes I think that I don't deserve such a close friend who is as wise and mature as he is." He said honestly. From time to time he did feel a bit inadequate close to Lupin and those were the moments in which he felt compelled to move on and grow up, which was a good thing, James just didn't have that notion fully formed in his mind yet.

James shrug was his only reply to Lily's comment about the Slytherins being able to surprise them in anything resembling a good way in the near future. He laughed as she did and then replied to her question about who she was to judge him. "I don't know… One of the best witches around this school? I do believe though that our magic is a gift and then why not use it for fun sometimes? As long as it doesn't cause permanent damage, off course. All that is done must be able to be undone later. I'm a follower of the 'do no harm, do what you will' motto… uh… OK... I do have my reasons why I choose to be… well… meaner to some, but I know where the line is and would never cross it mindlessly or not." He said trying to explain how he felt about it. "Well… when the truth is spoken, no reply is needed." James simply said with a smile as he looked at her after her comment about being speechless.

James repositioned himself to rest on his left side, his head supported by his left elbow and hand while his right hand rested on the earth in front of his chest after the maneuver. "I try not to get depressing and always be laughing, but it just used to be easier to accomplish." He replied to her comment also with a smile. Even though he felt that, he chose to make it sound like a joke as well. "I take offense at being called an idiot. Immature and foolish I am, maybe, but I'm no idiot, Evans. Neither are my friends." He said trying to sound insulted, but smiling after his hazel eyes captured her green ones again. It was easy for him to forgive and forget such a little thing from her. He nodded to reinforce his previous words about this coming war situation not being something that would last for too long. It just couldn't be.

James was taken by surprise when Lily took his free right hand between hers. That was something that had only happened before in his wildest dreams. He externalized nothing, yet he felt a nice feeling inside he couldn't actually describe while she whispered kindly to him. "I'm blessed for having friends like Sirius, Remus and Peter, who are like a chosen family of the heart. We're closer than many blood brothers are. It is indeed a great reassurance, but I also do know that loosing any of them to the war would be such a devastating blow to me. I honestly don't know how I would react or what would happen after that." That was also something he was afraid of. Could he loose himself to his hurricane side upon the death of one of his closest friends? Would that be actually bad? Being highly destructive against Death Eaters didn't sound like a particularly bad thing, but a life was a life, even when misused it was still valuable. "You're right, Evans… I should put my money where my mouth is and have more faith." He replied, meaning it.

James allowed his hand to rest where it was before after Lily let go of it. The physical contact wasn't something that he wanted broken, but it was better to hold his horses for now. He had gained so much already. "Well… we gotta be in accord that the only person who got out of that first conversation between the four of us at the Hogwarts Express clean was you, Evans. Sirius, Snape and I are all to be blamed for what happened in equal measure. Snide comments and bad jokes flew around that compartment from everyone but you." He said honestly and meaning it, not exactly taking notice that he had admitted his own error in that instance. "I guess you'd be in for a great number of surprises if you ever decide to know me better…" He said looking at her while smiling.

James nodded his agreement when Lily spoke about her perceptions on why things were the way they were. "Exactly." That was his only verbal reply before they went into the subject of the Blacks. "It is to prove that good people can be born out of the most unlikely places and give us all a bit of hope for the future. Maybe Sirius will be able to bring some nobility back to the Noble and Ancient House of Black once he grows up and raises his children to be like him. I have a lot of faith in him. You might be surprised how much of a loyal friend he can be when or if you ever get to know him better. Sirius is a good person at heart, unlike most of that bunch, just well… he has the same behavioral flaws I do…" He said honestly, finishing with a warm smile after his half joke about the way they behaved.

"After fifty six years of Potterisms on her head, Dorea is definitely a more Sirius type of Black now, just way less leaning towards the joking side. She is more composed than Sirius is, but equally good hearted and nice if you're nice to her. She doesn't mind if I'm friends with Muggleborns as long as it stays at that, if you know what I mean… I haven't told her anything about last year, I just told my dad, Charlus, so you'd be very safe in her company, Evans." James explained the general behavior of his mother to Lily, hinting that, like in many pureblood families including the Blacks, his mother expected him to make a respectful pureblood marriage. Charlus didn't mind at all, his earth nature lead him to think that whatever made his son happy would also make him happy. That was the reason why James had shared his feelings for a Muggleborn with his father, but not with his mother so far.

"Honestly, it depends who I'm debating with, I guess. If it's one of my closest friends or my parents and now maybe you as well, I would accept defeat after noticing I was definitely wrong. Though if it is anyone else, at all, I'd never give up and I'd actually go to a point in which I'd try to make them see the error of their valid arguments for my error not to show." He said honestly and then laughed openly at his own antics. He had done that several times as well and actually convinced other people that he was right when he knew he was wrong. "That's an idea…" He mused over her comment about them agreeing to disagree.

James opened a knowing smile at Lily's question. "Because you know I am? I also don't take crap home, even when it is not directed at me… The incident after McDonald's attack by Mulciber last year? Mine and Sirius' doing too though no one figured that one out yet. He got what he deserved and see… no Dark Magic used at all. I just don't get why people think they need that crap for anything… You can do things just too well with the good and old White Magic." He said alternating tones of jest, rebellion, disgust and pride. He smiled at her reply about his air nature comment, which was expected. "Who knows? Maybe one day I'll decide that being taken for granted and not seen might actually be better for me… Unlikely, but possible…" He replied honestly, shrugging slightly, which was fun due to his current lied on his side position.

James just shook his head slightly while facing her after her squeak and run like a mouse comment. "Squeak and run like a mouse? What kind of Gryffindor are you, Evans?" He asked clearly in jest and then laughed. "Dumbledore doesn't bite and neither does my dad, unless you're trying to seriously harm me in the latter's case. You'd be completely safe in their presence, I guarantee." He said in order for her to feel more at ease with the idea. "Honestly, it's OK, but I can probably arrange something so you don't have to face both of them at the same time." He said with a smile.

James was a little taken aback by Lily's groan. It wasn't something that he was expecting. "Maybe we could surprise you and actually be a good influence on each other. Surely we'd make you laugh a lot as a duo… Actually I'm not that bad singing or so I've been told before…" He said with a smile and tried to reach out with his right hand to tickle her right arm, which was the closest one. "It's not a crime to allow yourself to have fun, you know? Even if you make a fool out of yourself for a little while. Just laugh it off and walk forward…" He said with a smile, bringing his hand back to rest in front of him.

"No doubt about it. There is absolutely no chance." James replied with conviction to her comment about the world imploding if he ever became a boring person. Then she went on with references he didn't get exactly, but by the names he could infer certain things out of them. "I think you got my comment a little wrong, Evans. Why does that happen so often? He asked with a smile while shaking his head slightly. "Growing up is definitely optional for now. I don't want to be a kid or a teenager for my whole life though. That would be ridiculous. I also don't want to be an adult before I am actually one. I want to live my phases as they pass by me, fully and why not with fun always being some part of them? I don't expect nor think I'll act the same way I do today when I'm forty, that is… if I get to be that old…" He said as an explanation. He did think that sometimes people expected him to act beyond his years because of his elderly parents. In fact, he did do that when giving support to his friends, but that wasn't something he was aware of most of the time as it was sort of instinctual behavior to him.

"My nature as a wind person is to change and I am instinctually open to that to the point of not even realizing the smaller things happening to me at all. Like… I have no idea when I stopped to just admire your intelligence and your kindness and actually fell head over heels for you. The boy became a teenager and I didn't notice a thing about that transition. Maybe it will be the same with my steps towards adulthood. I'll wake up some day and find myself married with kids and no idea how that happened exactly… I'll just be there enjoying that new phase of my life and what it brings to me the best I can before ever realizing something actually had changed in myself to lead me there." He said honestly and letting his feelings flow out of his mouth with a great deal of respect implied in his tone of voice. He also did not look at her while he spoke, fixing his eyes on his own hand now back in front of his chest. He didn't want to overwhelm her with information nor for Lily to understand his words in the wrong way. Though he wasn't a hypocrite and wouldn't hold his true feelings back on an attempt not to sound like he was flirting with her.

"I won't force myself towards anything because others want me to do so. I won't act like an adult just because people expect that from me because of my elderly parents. Nothing can fully master the will of the wind, Evans. It flows as it wants to where it wants and changes radically to the point of flipping as it does. No taming accepted. That is the only thing that will never change here. Respect and care will be given by me where and to whom they are due, but that is pretty much that too." There was a clear hint of rebellion in his tone of voice and great amounts of honesty too. His right index finger did point at his chest as he was saying the word here in other to emphasize he was talking about his own nature.

James smiled as Lily said she'd never get on a broom. "Like to be with your feet on the ground, huh? Such an earth girl..." He joked slightly. "I, by the other hand, am in my environment flying around." He said and then laughed. "Maybe you just need to try it out with someone you trust not to let you fall…" He said musing over it. Well, maybe she was just afraid of heights. Many were. "That's the spirit, Evans. Keep everyone still excelling." He said with a bright grin. "I'll have to find several new team players this year due to graduation, including a new seeker. Though it is possible I might fill in that position now that it is available. Our team will certainly change somewhat. Hopefully it won't make our record suffer in the coming Cup. I was wondering to open tryouts to the transfers as well, but maybe that wouldn't be very prudent…" He said passing his right hand through his hair absently.

James laughed too, accompanying Lily as many times before. "Does that mean we both agree to keep this talk to ourselves?" He asked smiling. "I don't want to be called delusional and I don't think you'd want people to say you're crazy or sick. We both know the Hogwarts grapevine doesn't forgive anything that falls into its knowing. Thankfully everyone is in Hogsmeade right now…" He said and then laughed. "Everything is possible when you're dealing with an earth and wind combination." He said smiling and falling on his back again to look at the sky.

[ashers]

Lily blushed again as he smiled and admitted that she did. She sighed and blushed more. “Yeah, I’m sorry, I thought I didn’t do that, apparently I do.” She squirmed uncomfortably as she said it and bit her lip lightly. “You are a bit odd.” She said with a joking grin. “I mean I could never ever read you, hence hating you for so long.” She admitted as she sighed and stretched her arms out, letting the bones in her arms pop and crack loudly.

She smiled and nodded as he spoke of London. “Okay, I’ll have mum check it out.” She said nodding. She knew that it would be a little trickier what with the idea that she’d have to get her mum and dad and herself down to London. She frowned at the costs but she knew that if she had to she could come alone and stay at the Leaky Cauldron or something. She pushed her hair and smiled as he told her that it was up to her to pick. She couldn’t decide which was a better play for him to see so she just smiled. “I’ll see what’s playing.” She told him.

Lily couldn’t help but giggle at the story of James in a muggle taxi. “Oh god, I bet he had some funny stories. Most taxi drivers do. We had one once who was adamant that this rock star that my dad loved had come to his wedding and everything. Told us how this guy had got straight up and just bit into his wedding cake before anyone had a chance.” Lily laughed and shook her head. “Taxi’s are the weirdest thing ever.” She smiled. He spoke of appreciating those who can’t rely on magic and she nodded smiling. “I work every summer. In a café, in the shop my mum works in, and then more recently I’ve been working in this record store that’s amazing.” She grinned. “When I was working in the café I can’t tell you how many times I wanted to just grab my wand and cast some spell to make the glasses and plates and mugs fly so I didn’t have to carry them from how heavy they were.” She chuckled shaking her head. “Even more so when I dropped anything.”

She laughed and shook her head. “I didn’t mean it like that. I meant like you’d have to be without your wand while you were in a muggle town.” She said as she pushed her hand through her hair. “And we have men that come and collect our rubbish, they’re called bin men. They come every week or so and collect all the rubbish and throw it to the dump.” She listened to his three point plan to do with getting around in the muggle world and Lily had to force herself not to be too amused. She bit her lip and raised her eyebrow. When he spoke of wandless magic Lily laughed loudly and fell back as she laughed. “That’s the cheat way!” She said still laughing. “I mean, seriously though, you should try it, if I told my mum that you wanted the muggle experience, she would have you doing everything, and make sure you didn’t do magic. And when I say everything, I mean everything. She’d have you cleaning, get you a muggle job, have you prepare food the muggle way, go shopping, then make sure you saw the muggle entertainment.” She laughed and looked at James, wondering if he would ever be able to do anything like that.

She nodded slightly and shrugged. “Perception is a strange thing. Like the comment of beauty being in the eyes of the beholder, it’s the same with evil.” She glanced over at him. “Unfortunately people are brought up with prejudice from birth, then when they’re told that someone is going to help take out that thing they hate, it’s something they want.” She said with a shrug. “It’s like if someone told me that they had a sure way of taking Voldemort out, I would jump at the chance to help.” She explained. Lily sort of understood the reasoning behind it, not that she liked it any more. He spoke of her not having anything to prove anymore and she smiled sadly and shook her head. “I wish that was true, but unfortunately, they still expect me to do extremely well, if not perfectly. Besides I enjoy it.” She said as she smiled and shrugged. “I can feel happy and such after school, once they’ve given me the rewards of a good job.” She said.

He spoke of friends and true bonds and her family and she had to laugh. “The problem with having a muggle family is most don’t understand you. My sister hates me from jealousy, my mum and dad…they are happy for me but they don’t get me anymore.” She paused and shrugged, smiling sadly. “It’s hard.” She said as she pushed her hair back slowly. When he said about her feeling alone she smiled and shook her head. “I’m not alone. Sure I don’t have amazing friends or anything like that, but at the same time, I’m not alone, I know I’m not.” She said as she stretched out. “I just don’t have any really really good friends. I mean, I can always talk to Remus, or like Mary McDonald.” She shrugged and smiled. “I’m not lonely."

She smirked at his comments and rolled her eyes. “You didn’t hear me laugh because every moment you saw me last year you were either asking me out or pulling pranks or just generally doing something that was ridiculous and idiotic that annoyed the hell out of me.” She corrected him. “I laughed plenty last year, just not in front of you.”

Lily was more than shocked when he commented about everything to do with him learning. She raised an eyebrow at him and smirked. “So you actually do care for classes and grades, I didn’t see that one coming.” Lily said teasingly. “Yeah I’ll stick with insane all nighters and obsessing over learning all my notes over and over again.” She said with a shake of her head. “And even if I was to do your little way of learning I don’t think I’d be able to stand only doing that, I’d freak out too much.” She said with a laugh.

She smiled and nodded. “I always enjoy a good show as well. And to be honest no one can really understand Shakespeare properly.” She said as she chuckled. She sighed and pushed her hair back and sighed slightly to herself, closing her eyes and letting the sun warm her slightly, not that there was much of it.

Lily chuckled at his comments of parents and stuff but kept her eyes shut. “I think the world would fear if there were two James Potters running around.” She joked lightly. “Me, I don’t particularly want kids, not in this world, I used to, but now I just don’t think it would be good.” She admitted sighing. The truth was Lily would have loved to be a mother, but she wouldn’t put her child in danger, she couldn’t let anyone hurt them, and she knew that the world would be too dangerous.

Lily had to agree with the words he spoke. “He’s really clever. I feel like no one actually notices anything about him though, and it’s sad because they should see the goodness in him.” She sighed and shook her head. “It’s just the way people are.” She said as she pressed her lips together. She didn’t know what else to do or say but she knew that it was all true. She sighed and looked over at James. “Some people just don’t see it like we do.”

A blush crept onto her cheeks as he called her one of the best witches in school. “That’s not true.” She said with a blush. She didn’t really know what else to say to the rest of his comments. Pushing her hair back she smiled gently at him and glanced around herself. She wondered what people would think of this conversation, between the two people who would never be seen talking together any other time.

She blinked at him and blushed. “I didn’t mean like a complete idiot, it’s just…sometimes you do act like a bit of a fool, and people assume things by the way they act. Me for example, stick up her backside girl who cares more for books and grades than having fun or letting her hair down, fact of the matter is that I do have fun, I just focus on learning and more important things inside school times than I do out of school times, so no one ever sees that side of me.” She explained. She shrugged. “You act the idiot, I assume it. I know you’re not, but people put on acts all the time.”

She shook her head. “They’re good wizards, they’re good at magic, have more faith. They won’t get hurt.” She told him truthfully.

She looked at him and shrugged. “Well I didn’t know you then, though your first impression wasn’t a good one I have to say.” She said with a small laugh. When he spoke of more surprises if she got to know him better, Lily shrugged. “Maybe.”

When James spoke of Sirius’ children, Lily couldn’t help but laugh. “I’d fear for any child that Sirius was looking after.” She said with a shake of her head. She pushed her hair back slowly and stretched out once more. “I mean I’m sure as your friend he’s lovely and everything, but I just cannot see him looking after children.” She said with a laugh.

Lily’s eyebrows shot up as James spoke of his mother. “You didn’t tell her that you’ve been asking out a muggleborn for ever?” She asked in shock. She wondered how much trouble James Potter would be in if his mother found out about her. Lily bit her lip slightly. Well she definitely wouldn’t comment about it to Mrs. Potter, she didn’t want to get into trouble or get James into trouble.

She laughed at his comment about never giving up an argument. “And you call me stubborn.” She joked with a roll of her eyes. She pushed her hair back once more and sighed. She chuckled more when he commented about agreeing to disagree an idea. “Probably a good idea when two people are ridiculously stubborn.”

Lily smiled at his comment of her knowing he was. “You know, as a prefect, I should report you and give you detention or dock points or something.” She told him as she watched him with a smile.

“The kind who finds older wiser witches and wizards a little intimidating.” She told him as she looked over at him smiling. “I think I’ll pass.” She said as she smiled and shook her head.

“The thing about all of this is, I’m fine with making a fool out of myself all on my own, but when it comes to either my father or you making a fool out of and embarrassing me I’d rather it not happen.” She admitted as she rubbed her forehead. When he spoke of it not being a crime to have fun she laughed. “I have fun, I just don’t openly show it as others do. I go out to muggle rock clubs, I enjoy the work I do in the holidays, I read, which may not be fun for you but it is for me. I do a lot of fun things, you just don’t know it.” She said truthfully.

He spoke of her getting his comment wrong and he spoke again. She shook her head and smiled sadly at him. “I hope you can do all of those things, live your life the way you wish to, but I don’t think we’ll get that option unfortunately.” She said with a slight sigh. She couldn’t think like that, because it wasn’t fair, but they all knew that the live expectancy for wizards and witches fighting against Voldemort was a lot shorter than those who fought for him or just hid from him.

She blushed bright red when he spoke about falling head over heels for her and she shook her head. “James…are you even sure that you really like me that much.” She said not looking at him. “You could have anyone you like, someone who genuinely likes you back.” She said as she looked over at him. “Why me?” She listened to the rest of him and nodded. It was odd how that happened but it often did for more than one person.

She listened to him and couldn’t help but agree it was definitely a James Potter thing. She didn’t say anything else but just listened and decided that it was easier if she let him speak and get on with it. She smiled at him and shook her head but didn’t say a word.

He said about trying out a broom with someone who wouldn’t let her fall and she shook her head. “No way, I do not want to get on a broom. I’ve been on an airplane and it was fine, but then you’re encased in metal and you know that it’s secure enough that will let muggles go, but if I had to go on a piece of wood the only thing supporting me…” She shivered at the idea and shook her head. “No thank you, I’d rather not.”

She nodded as he spoke. “Well hopefully we’ll find someone to fill in the positions. Hopefully there are some good people with all of the new transfers.” She commented as she shrugged not sure if it would help but thinking it probably could.

She nodded and smiled. “I think it would be best if we kept it to ourselves really.” She said with a nod. He spoke of things being possible for the earth and wind combination and she just looked at him, wondering how she’d gotten this boy so wrong for so long.

[James William Potter]

Lily was blushing because of him. How adorable was that? James opened a big grin and behind his glasses his hazel eyes were twinkling. "Never mind that. I'm not one to hold a grudge against those that don't mean harm. You certainly didn't, so it's already forgotten and forgiven…" He said in a dismissive tone. To James there was no point to dwell on that subject further. "People have called me a lot of things, but odd is a first…" He said and then laughed. "Yeah… I'm just glad you seem to have begun to read me right, Evans. As long as you don't hate me, I will settle with anything else. Even deep dislike is better than hate already…" His tone was jocose, but also hopeful.

Lily's sweet voice reached his ears again saying that her mum would check the tickets out for their little night at the muggle theater. He was really beginning to like the idea. "It's OK. Hopefully it'll work out fine and we all will have a nice night." He said looking at her and then smiled. "I can't wait to see what you and your mum will pull out of your hats for me and my parents." He said joking, then closed his eyes to try to imagine their night out together. As long as his mum didn't find out that he was in love with Lily everything would go smoothly and be nice, he was sure.

James reminisced about his memories on the taxi as Lily spoke of her own experience. He just had to laugh at her story before he told his. "Sure, he did. Mine kept talking about a passenger he had picked up before me who tried to place a German Shepherd dog on the back seat. The way he told the story was the best and I think cannot be truly mimicked. You know I like a good joke and can recognize one easily, but that guy got me. He really did. I actually looked around in order to see if the dog had left any marks of his passage…" He told his story and then laughed. "Taxis are my kind of weird. The fun kind. I really liked it." He said honestly.

He looked at her and offered a kind smile. "It must have been difficult… knowing you could do something to help yourself and being unable to do so because of the secrecy that is forced upon us and our abilities. Sometimes I think it would be best if we didn't have to hide who we are from the muggles, but then again it might just end up in another war… That would be horrible in itself and worse than the secrecy, I think." James showed his support and then shared his thoughts on their situation as wizards in a mostly muggle world.

"Ah… OK. I got it now." He said and then joined her in laughter. First, I'd try not to do anything stupid. He laughed again. "Then… I don't know exactly what I would do, though I think being charismatic and easygoing would still help me get through anyway. Why do I have this feeling you'd love to find out how I'd fare in this situation, Evans?" He said in a joking way as a challenge for her to deny his question and then heard her about how muggles dealt with their rubbish. "Maybe…" He said about wandless magic being the cheat way out in such situation and then joined her in laughter again.

"If I get to pass through this challenge under your mum's scrutiny at your place, I think I'd take it next Summer." He said without thinking much about it. "If I can convince my own mum to relinquish my presence at home during part of the break, that is. I'm sure my dad would be easier to convince on letting me go and he'd even like the idea. I guess the distance from them would be the hardest to deal with, but if I'm allowed to have them drop by and check up on me I'm definitely in. How long would that take?" He said seriously upon further thought on the idea. His willingness to accept it really depended on how long he'd have to stay away from his own home and family, which now also included Sirius being at the household.

"Yep. It certainly is…" James replied to her comment about perception being a strange thing. "The greatest evil of the world is prejudice and it is one that never ceases to bite us back. It's like we're globally stupid as a race or something…" He continued remembering his talks with his dad before he had age to come to Hogwarts. "Same here. Either if it was a sure thing or just a could work out one, I'd do it without minding the consequences to myself. It's different though, Evans. We'd be saving a lot of people that did nothing wrong from almost certain death. It would be something good and honorable to do. To be honest, when I heard about Voldemort's past from my dad and Dumbledore some time ago, I felt sorry for him. Really. But then I remembered that he is the only one responsible for choosing to become a monster and that feeling turned into something darker, well certainly less pure and kind…" James said honestly, a hint of rebellion present on his last words.

James looked at Lily as he asked. "Who are they? Your parents?" His tone was a mix of curiosity and surprise. "How can someone enjoy such a burden?" He asked not understanding. "So it's more of a feeling of not letting someone down rather than a feeling of self accomplishment that you seek. At least they give you something back." He said with a little apprehension that he was understanding it wrong. "I mean… my parents also expect me to do well at school so they can be proud of me and all that, but I don't know… I never felt like I had to be a perfect student or anything… I'm good enough for their expectations, I think. If only I behaved better at school, I think they wouldn't complain at all." James said shrugging. He knew that his parents at times were worried about his behavior, but they never seemed worried about his grades.

James felt a sadness within he couldn't explain when Lily told him of her situation. "I don't think your sister really hates you. She's your sister after all. I can't say that I understand what you just said because I don't. I've had wizards and witches around me all my life. On the older side to top it off. It's the muggles I don't get much, even if my parents took me to play at the playground with muggle kids when I was little because their friends' children were all away and had children of their own who were much older than me, thus not good companies for toddler playing. I guess that was how I began not to care if one was muggle or wizard. I always just wanted the company they all offered me." James told her honestly, sharing a little of his own past growing up.

"I'm glad that you do not feel lonely. I have been at times. I know it's not good at all. I mean… my parents were always great and always there for me, but sometimes I missed someone my own age or closer to my age to talk to before I came to Hogwarts." He said with his eyes looking up at the light show the sunset was playing in the sky. James closed his eyes as Lily spoke of why he rarely saw her laughing. It stung somewhat to hear her say that she had more fun when he was away. He couldn't bring himself to say anything and just took those words to heart to think about them later.

James looked at Lily with an amused expression due to her reaction to his tactics of learning. "Sure. If I don't get high grades and learn nothing, I can't be an Auror like my dad or fight to make the world a better place and all that. Besides… if I don't know anything, I can't even have fun with my magic or help and defend my friends when they need me or well… just do anything at all… It's important to learn in order to have choices. The fact I'm more mischievous than diligent doesn't mean I don't care. I'm just not obsessed about it, preferring to play with my mental focus rather than loose an absurd quantity of time to do the same thing I manage to do in a couple of hours only. I still read my books and then write my own essays to hand to the professors. The hearsay that I copy from Remus is so not true… I guess people just don't understand that different minds work in different ways. I've been taught by my dad to use my mind in some nice and unusual ways and I take advantage of that as a student of magic." He said exposing his thoughts on the matter. "I understand another way is easier or more comfortable for you to learn, but obsession is not good for anyone, Evans. All in good measure. Not too much, not too little." He said with a smile, trying to convince her to live her life a little more even when at school.

"So the play we'll go see will also be a mental challenge besides being entertaining? Two in one? How can you not know why I've asked you out so much last year? That's exactly the kind of thing I like to do." James answered cheerfully. He was a closet enjoyer of things that made him think. A left over from his raising. Maybe that was one of the reasons why his friendship with Remus grew stronger with the years. He made him think with their talks and his books and his ideas. True, James didn't have the patience to read hours in a roll like Remus did, also the reason why he didn't like Potions so much, but Lupin's books always made him think and, in the end, after the boredom of actually going through them, he always enjoyed the questions that were left in his mind and the talks with one of his best mates that always came afterwards.

"No… It would not…" James replied jokingly to her comment that the world would fear if there were two of him around. "Maybe it would feel safer instead…" He added absently. "I know it's odd for a guy of my age to think about these things, but then again older parents taught me to be old fashioned when it comes to family." He said as a way to explain his next words. "At times I think about a family of my own. Not now, sure. It'd be crazy to place a kid in this world, but I would see it as a gift if it happened by accident even now. Later I'd freak out about how to safeguard my kid, but I'd find a way. I'm clever enough for that…" He said honestly, confidently and jovially.

The only thing he could do was nod to everything that Lily said. James agreed completely to every word."Yeah… It's really sad how he became great at diminishing his qualities to hide out. Sometimes we try to encourage him to have a different view of his situation, but not always it works. On the other hand, he is not wrong. I'm not foolish enough not to know we're an exception to the rule in our acceptance of him. That is the saddest thing of all because he is a true friend to those who can get past that." He said honestly with his eyes closed. He wanted his friend to find his happiness. He felt he deserved it and even though he tried his best to nudge him or encourage him, he didn't know how well that was going to work out for Remus in the long run.

"I think it is. Let's not fight over this. Let's agree that it's just my perception?" He offered as a reply to her reaction to his comment about her being one of the best witches around Hogwarts. He could not hold back his own smile as she smiled at him. It was like a vicious cycle. He listened to her words and sighed, reaching a conclusion. "So you're basically saying we all wear our masks and sometimes that is all people see of us because that is all we seem to show them…" He said in order to confirm that they were both in the same page before continuing. "There is always a good reason why that happens though." He said being the one a bit embarrassed now and thus escaping her eyes to look at the sky above.

"I know, Evans, and that is why they will take chances… I know that too… because I would for the same reason… if there is no one to hold me back…" James said in a broken way. "Maybe, as the saying goes, one day we will look back on these things with joy, laugh and say how foolish we were to be so scared… because we were not so alone in our fight or it wasn't as bad or as long as we thought it would be…" He said hopeful to be right.

"OK. I get I didn't enter your life the best way possible, but it doesn't mean I can't try to make a better impression now." He said with a smile. "I just think I deserve a chance to show you who I really am before you decide if you hate me or not. It is possible you hate a mask that can easily fall upon enough effort." He said as a reply to her maybe wanting to be surprised by getting to know him better.

"I guess not right now… but later on…" James said and joined in the laughter while lying back in the grass, his head above his folded arms. "Though when Sirius cares about someone, he does so with all his heart. I think he could become a good father or godfather when he gets a bit older, calmer and more… ugh… I don't know… stable? That's not the right word still…" He continued, trying to make justice to his friend and yet knowing his current behavior very well. He seemed to be a bit of a nutter at times, but he was really OK.

"No, I did not, Evans. My mum is still under the impression I'll make a respectful pureblood marriage. She even tried to betroth me last year, which I skillfully dodged. She is from a family that cares about that, you know… I don't and neither does my dad, reason why he helped me dodge mum's will. That's why I told him. He gets me. He understands when I say that when I marry a woman it will be because I love her like happened with him, not out of convenience or a family accord. He just happened to fall in love with an amazingly beautiful pureblood like himself to the happiness of both my grandparents. I did not." James explained his reasoning for not telling his mother about his asking her out throughout last year.

"I never said that I wasn't stubborn as well. We both are… That is something we have in common." James said in good humor and then smiled. "More than that, Evans. It's the perfect idea, I think. It may diffuse many arguments on little unimportant things… So we'll only butt heads on the important ones." He said about agreeing to disagree, looking at her after her next words. "You've just said not long ago that McDonald was your friend, even a confident for smaller things. Didn't you like that she was avenged fast and without the use of the same Dart Arts used against her? I'll take that smile of yours as this threat being a joke, though I'd take that detention with pride if I had been caught in the act. I did feel a lot better after teaching that Death Eater wannabe a little lesson about being a true wizard." He said to defend his choice to act when faced with that which he thought was an unjust situation at the time.

"Some of them really are. My parents have some friends that I can't look in the eyes. I talk to them when they come by, but I don't like to stay in the room with them for too long. I guess it all depends on the other person for me. It's OK though that you wish to pass. I think the theater night out will be enough for you to get to know some older wizards who are not the scary type." James said honestly as in his mind she would be there with them without doubt. "I'm sorry then for making a fool out of you." He said truthfully after hearing her words. "Though I think I've made one out of myself more often when around you and I don't think I mind. People had a good time. It is important nowadays." He said smiling.

"Muggle rock clubs? Are you a fan of The Beatles? I love them. Sirius introduced me to this band. They are great." James asked curious. He knew several songs from that group due to his best mate and could sing them decently enough. He mused on the idea of singing one of those songs to her someday so she could know his singing voice. It wasn't awesome, but it wasn't terrible either. It was OK. She then continued to talk and he looked in her direction again. "Me too." James said about hoping to live his life the way he wanted. "Though anything can happen. We don't know the future. We may survive this war and even be on the winning side…" He continued hopeful. He wanted to live a reasonably long life with Lily being a part of it.

Then came the questions he dreaded. Was now the time to say all the things he had written in all those letters he never had the courage to send her? How will she react to the truth of his feelings? He decided to leave them to be answered later. James simply smiled nervously at her and the thought of luring her into an unexpected broom flight began to inhabit his mind out of nowhere. "OK. I won't insist if that is the case, but if you ever change your mind… I can help coach you in flight lessons." He said with a more natural smile. "Yeah, I hope so too. I think I'll open tryouts to the transfers as well. It will cause no harm and may be good for the team." He said welcoming the change of subject somewhat. "If that's what you prefer I won't tell a soul about this conversation, I swear to you, Evans." He said decided to keep his word.

James then finally decided to be brave and truthful about how he felt. He looked up at the sky and took a deep breath before beginning. "Well, going back a little, Evans… Who ask wants to know generally, so don't hold what I'll say now against me…" He warned before continuing. "Yes, I'm pretty sure I love you exactly because of what you've said before, Lily." He said in a serious tone of voice, emphasizing the word love. "I did try to go out with other girls after your first rejections, mainly because they kept insisting and were even a bit beautiful, I must confess… Not like you, off course… I've tried, but it just didn't feel like it used to… I felt like betraying myself being with them and worse than that I felt like using them. If there are no feelings involved, there is no point on going on a date… I think so… Sirius keeps saying that I'm an old fashioned romantic fool and that I should see the fun side of dating and not take it so seriously… I guess I just can't see it the way he does… I think it is important to have a minimum respect for the girl you're with and be faithful while it lasts and all that…" He said almost all in one go, but stopping from time to time to take a breath and regain his nerves.

"So… yeah… I'm sure." James repeated. "Why you? Well… maybe because you are the most adorable being that ever walked the earth? I think that anyway, though you'll probably deny it, which just makes you more adorable even…" He really didn't know from where he was getting the nerve to just blurt all of this out. He kept looking at the sky during all his speech, afraid of Lily's reaction. "Well… why did our dads choose our mums and vice-versa? There isn't a right answer for that question. The heart does what the heart does, Lily." He said and then sighed, smiling proudly at his own bravery. "You have no idea how happy I am just because you have decided to stay here and talk to me instead of shout and run away as usual. I think I can honestly say that right now I… no something else is missing…" He began saying and then stopped as his left hand hovered above the grass in search of her right one. He intertwined his fingers on hers in a gentle embrace. "I can say for sure that right now I want no more than I'm getting, Lily." He said truthfully as he, at last, looked in her direction again while smiling nervously.